First Kiss, Forest, Staring
Dear Doctor Leroy & Derilus,
I've never kissed a girl before and I'm also a virgin. I just met this girl and she's really cool. We started talking and now we're going out. So far we've held hands and I've given her pecks on the cheeks. I wanna kiss her but I'm not sure how. What should I do so I don't look like a bumbling idiot?
Leroy: What's your first experience like Derilus?
Derilus: I was really nervous when I had my first kiss. I know, I know, you want to be the top dog and show your lady that you can kiss her like no other, but trust me it's ok to kiss like an idiot. Leroy, do you remember your first time?
Leroy: My first time involved alcohol and two other men…No. I believe I was drugged? Wait my first time was when I was young and tender. I was in a treehouse with my first cousin. I mean she was hot…H…O…T!!! Anyways to make an interesting story short she was 22 and I was again "young and tender". She tongued me deep the first time and I gagged and threw up on her…pretty sweet I tell you.
Derilus: Haha.. reminds me of a girl who tried to impress me and gagged while giving me a blowjob. What other things did she teach you besides the tongue? I have time, make it long.
Leroy: I think we're straying from the topic…
Derilus: My advice to you is to not to fret about it. I'm sure there will be plenty of other times for you to improve on your kissing skills with her.
Leroy: Exactly, there will be many more times for you to practice. And if you do suck, just practice kissing her anyways. Then you'll kill more time and practice kissing.
Docs,
I have an unusual problem. I don't know if it's appropriate in here but I'm going to ask you guys because you have all the answers to all the questions. (My problem might help you ladies out there also J) To put it bluntly, I can't find my man's penis due to the fact that he's hairy as hell. When I get off, I tend to leave a few bald spots because his hairs are in the way. The sex is great but the hair has to go. Help me doc, what is a woman to do when her man is Bigfoot but not so big elsewhere.
Derilus: I would ask him to shave it. If he won't let me shave it then I'll ask him if I can braid it. At least it would be beautiful and neat.
Leroy: If he isn't willing to shave it then sabotage it and Nair it.
Derilus: Life gets better after Nair…
Leroy: I know
Melanie (Patient #000333): From a woman's perspective, I believe that you should munch on it so he can go "OUCH" and think it is too long and is in your face. Then will he shave it.
Leroy: I think you should just tell him you don't like Bigfoot in the midst of the forest.
Mike (Patient #008719): Say something like "I think it is sexy when you shave your balls"
Dear Leroy & Derilus,
There is this guy in my class that is really nice. He's not the cutest guy but he's really nice. At first I thought I wouldn't like him, but now he's starting to grow on me. He stares at me all day and I think he has something going on for me too. I think he's afraid to approach me and I feel the same way. I want him to approach me first but if not, should I make the first move?
Leroy: If he was like me, I'd put the first move. But he's not like me. Give him some time or you can go on the offense and make the first move. Remember you have nothing to lose. As long as you tried and had fun or learned something.
Derilus: If he was like me, then I would have raped her with my eyes. You would already have been violated many times. Maybe he's done with you already?
Leroy: If nothing happens then move on. Don't dwell on stuff like this…you're too young. Life has a lot to offer.
Derilus: But on the reals, listen to the shit Leroy has to say…
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